When I see your smile
Tears run down my face
I can't replace
And now that I'm stronger I've figured out



I confirmed my result,
highest; B3.
No use trying to hope
or worry anymore


it will motivate me
to score A1 for HCL.

And I will.



Amaths undone.

Speech still undone.

Chinese O's released tomorrow.

A frenzied panic bubbling uncontrollably;
press down, trying to smother it,
with what's now
with what's then

No time to study at all during this weekend.

CCA fairs,
4 hour-long reunion dinners,
tuition after tuition
How do I live, I wonder

Undone homework
unfinished studying,

desperate scribbles trail across the paper
nonsense.

All I wish for,
is an A2.

I have images, flashes, of a black, bolded B3
staring in my face,
burning
the hopes I've had
for the exam I tried to do my best in.

An A2 for Chinese, and I will never
yearn for anything more

I have tried, I did try

And even though I've screwed up so many
many many
aspects of that paper,

I've seen the beaming faces
of those who were confident of their performance
their satisfaction at the bloody easy paper

(which I did not think it was)

If I do not get an A2 and above,

I promise I won't crack,

because it is not worth it.


but looking back,

I was torn
after the paper,
lost, squeezing a smile out on my
trembling lips,
convincing myself that yes, it was easy,
as easy as everyone else found it to be,
(when it wasn't, to me)

I promise I won't crack,
will hold the disappointment,
let it well till my heart brims over,
overflows

No use keeping my hopes high.
But the thought of a B seems to crush my heart
into smithereens,
twisting my throat into dead knots.

yes twist it,
so there won't be tears

Remind me
remind myself
life is full of disappointments
and therefore the lowest I aim for is an A2
so I won't fall, too far.

A2,
and I promise,
I won't yearn for anything more,


Why is this clouding my brain
when it is AMaths
Chinese speech

that is the now?



Why doesn't it stop