Efforts
Somehow when I put in more effort than usual, it backfires. I usually say I don't think I do well for exams but i end up doing okay. I always say I hope for an A minus, because I know that somehow i did my best and i know my work has some potential to hit that.
But today, my mind blanked out during the exam, I broke out in cold sweat for the first question because I knew that I wasn't going to do well, I didn't have any issues to write about, and I didn't know what to write. So for the first time for a contract exam, I ended up missing out major issues, had no new arguments or fresh arguments which I was capable of conjuring last semester, and it was just a terribly bland and unsubstantiated piece of work. I can't even say I hope for an A minus now. Last sem I could confidently say I hoped I can at least scrape A minus because I applied what I learnt and I did my best for the exam. And I ended up doing pretty okay. My efforts paid off.
This was the first contract exam I felt truly at a loss, like my efforts had gone down the drain, I totally couldn't think of anything new to apply, and I left out more issues than so many other people. I'm so disappointed in myself, considering it takes up 20% of my grade. I really have never felt so disappointed in myself after a law exam, minus LSLMA last year since i kinda gave up on it. I couldn't even feel that I could scrape an A minus and usually I can feel that... I'm disappointed because I know I left out so many important issues this time, I knew it even during the exam. If I get an A minus, it would be because the prof is ridiculously lenient and gave many other people As. But when I finished the paper, I knew that I wasn't going to get my A minus this time.
Disappointment and reality is kind of painful, especially for the subject in law school that i was most confident in. That i thought i could even focus on in my career in the future. 20% is so much. I dread the results, because I know it won't go past a B plus -I know the standards, I know what kind of standard would garner an A minus and above because I have written to such standards before. But today, I know my standard fell far short. In fact, I'm just hoping for at least a Bplus. My writing has never been so empty and mediocre and aimless before. I don't think effort pays off for me when I study hard. I should just slack because I seem to perform better when I slack.
Seems like Sem1 is going to turn out better than sem 2, cuz my grades end up being even more mediocre and ordinary. I am so disappointed, my efforts have been wasted and I studied so hard since C isn't in Singapore and I have more time to myself, but why doesn't it pay off when I study harder? I should just study less and slack more like I did last semester. Sigh. Studying more doesn't work for me.
But today, my mind blanked out during the exam, I broke out in cold sweat for the first question because I knew that I wasn't going to do well, I didn't have any issues to write about, and I didn't know what to write. So for the first time for a contract exam, I ended up missing out major issues, had no new arguments or fresh arguments which I was capable of conjuring last semester, and it was just a terribly bland and unsubstantiated piece of work. I can't even say I hope for an A minus now. Last sem I could confidently say I hoped I can at least scrape A minus because I applied what I learnt and I did my best for the exam. And I ended up doing pretty okay. My efforts paid off.
This was the first contract exam I felt truly at a loss, like my efforts had gone down the drain, I totally couldn't think of anything new to apply, and I left out more issues than so many other people. I'm so disappointed in myself, considering it takes up 20% of my grade. I really have never felt so disappointed in myself after a law exam, minus LSLMA last year since i kinda gave up on it. I couldn't even feel that I could scrape an A minus and usually I can feel that... I'm disappointed because I know I left out so many important issues this time, I knew it even during the exam. If I get an A minus, it would be because the prof is ridiculously lenient and gave many other people As. But when I finished the paper, I knew that I wasn't going to get my A minus this time.
Disappointment and reality is kind of painful, especially for the subject in law school that i was most confident in. That i thought i could even focus on in my career in the future. 20% is so much. I dread the results, because I know it won't go past a B plus -I know the standards, I know what kind of standard would garner an A minus and above because I have written to such standards before. But today, I know my standard fell far short. In fact, I'm just hoping for at least a Bplus. My writing has never been so empty and mediocre and aimless before. I don't think effort pays off for me when I study hard. I should just slack because I seem to perform better when I slack.
Seems like Sem1 is going to turn out better than sem 2, cuz my grades end up being even more mediocre and ordinary. I am so disappointed, my efforts have been wasted and I studied so hard since C isn't in Singapore and I have more time to myself, but why doesn't it pay off when I study harder? I should just study less and slack more like I did last semester. Sigh. Studying more doesn't work for me.
posted by Debbie at
11:32 PM
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