indelible

I know things may not fall back in place or may never will. I understand that a slip of thoughts may have ruined things forever. There was no intent to hurt, but I did. And because I did, I am definitely not feeling so wonderful or great now, but I feel like I've tried my best to salvage anything that has remained. I have been in such a position before, getting judged incorrectly, getting hurt, and it took me some time to accept.

Even though being honest resulted in the unraveling of ugly truths and feelings, it had to be done, or things would be false forever. And how i detest false friendships and would rather lose them than keep them... I can say now upon knowing there was lack of hurtful intent from the other party that I can sleep better and God has shown me that to lose something, to stop pretending, to stop second guessing, has let me gain more. I don't feel that niggling guilt anymore because I threw it out in the open. And deep down, there is still a part of me who wants to revert things to what they were before, and at the very least, stay friends, however differently we may interpret that now.