Sigh
When speaking to certain people I always get a very ugly, discontented gut feeling that they are looking down on me and make seemingly innocent and humble comments about whichever prestigious school and course they have gotten into and express their doubts about the selection process, like oh, how could I have gotten in even though I didn't get straight As? It feels so pretentious and blatantly jabs at my rejection because I got bloody straight As but it wasn't enough.
I harbour extreme doubt towards NUS' selection process as well. But anyway, I don't like the feeling I'm being looked down upon just because I didn't get into as renowned a school. I'm doing a course which I have confidence I can possibly excel in if I did my best, unlike some others who have struggled with certain subjects and still chose a certain course because of a lucky score in A Levels, despite their shortcomings in the subject. And they got it. It really makes me feel shortchanged sometimes and some comments can really be hurting and insensitive; shocking that the other party seems oblivious all the time.
Nevertheless I pray my heart will be more open and stop feeling this ugly feeling, constantly rearing its head to turn my character uglier and dissatisfied with getting Smu law, which is actually such a blessing already. I hate feeling like this, makes me feel so mean, but some comments are really so insensitive sometimes I just have to suck it up but that horrid feeling just boils inside me. I want to not feel like I am being looked down upon or compared to, especially by people who call themselves my friends and I truly hope I can deem as my friends too. But this whole incident has made everything so difficult.
I will strive to excel because I know I have the ability to do well. Or rather, more realistically, the potential, because I probably won't be brilliant from the start. Whether or not we are suited for whatever course we decide to go for (these doors opened because of luck in interviews and aptitude admittedly and some luck in A Levels as well) depends on our suitability for it eventually and our capabilities. I will do my best and prove that SMU Law isn't lousy, isn't a course a smaller number of people applied for compared to the prestigious courses in NUS (obviously more people applied for SMU because of the lower grade requirement, so actually there was more competition during the interview) and that it's not something some people in prestigious courses on NUS should look down upon because ultimately it's the success in a course that will push a person to greater heights. Not the school. And who knows, SMU's style may mould me into a better person.
(ps: 'people' actually refers to one person in most of my posts, but of course not always the same person.)
Go on and try to tear me down,
I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper
I harbour extreme doubt towards NUS' selection process as well. But anyway, I don't like the feeling I'm being looked down upon just because I didn't get into as renowned a school. I'm doing a course which I have confidence I can possibly excel in if I did my best, unlike some others who have struggled with certain subjects and still chose a certain course because of a lucky score in A Levels, despite their shortcomings in the subject. And they got it. It really makes me feel shortchanged sometimes and some comments can really be hurting and insensitive; shocking that the other party seems oblivious all the time.
Nevertheless I pray my heart will be more open and stop feeling this ugly feeling, constantly rearing its head to turn my character uglier and dissatisfied with getting Smu law, which is actually such a blessing already. I hate feeling like this, makes me feel so mean, but some comments are really so insensitive sometimes I just have to suck it up but that horrid feeling just boils inside me. I want to not feel like I am being looked down upon or compared to, especially by people who call themselves my friends and I truly hope I can deem as my friends too. But this whole incident has made everything so difficult.
I will strive to excel because I know I have the ability to do well. Or rather, more realistically, the potential, because I probably won't be brilliant from the start. Whether or not we are suited for whatever course we decide to go for (these doors opened because of luck in interviews and aptitude admittedly and some luck in A Levels as well) depends on our suitability for it eventually and our capabilities. I will do my best and prove that SMU Law isn't lousy, isn't a course a smaller number of people applied for compared to the prestigious courses in NUS (obviously more people applied for SMU because of the lower grade requirement, so actually there was more competition during the interview) and that it's not something some people in prestigious courses on NUS should look down upon because ultimately it's the success in a course that will push a person to greater heights. Not the school. And who knows, SMU's style may mould me into a better person.
(ps: 'people' actually refers to one person in most of my posts, but of course not always the same person.)
Go on and try to tear me down,
I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper
posted by Debbie at
11:51 PM
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