Unease

I've been having extremely vivid and disturbing nightmares lately.

It probably is the manifestation of the uneasy thoughts flooding my brain regarding the next two weeks.. because I will be,

1) On a Law internship

2) Waiting/Receiving/Going for Law interviews

3) And very unlikely, going for a scholarship interviews

And I really don't know what I'm going to do if I don't get into Law because I'm really not interested in anything in particular. I'm not even good at anything in particular. Math and Science were subjects I had to study pretty hard to grasp decently, and I even struggled quite a lot in JC. And Econs was done through memorizing.

So literally I can't do anything except Law and arts related subjects which I didn't even study in JC. :(

Feeling really scared actually. This whole week was well-focused on finishing my applications. But somehow I really dread the upcoming weeks. :( I really have to appear confident and self-assured when I go for the interviews. And well... I'm not really like that. I'm not nurally confident. I have to put on a facade, and hopefully have an alert mind during the interviews so I can crap something out and still sound passably eager.

I kind of know that if I don't get into NUS Law, I'm going to be very disappointed. But the probability of that happening is soooo damn high because I'm competing against so many SUPER SMART PEOPLE. Like the cream of the crop are going to be the ones shortlisted and heading for interviews. I really wonder how I'm going to make myself stand out.

Stay. Calm.

And oh, I always have this empty void in my heart whenever the weekdays come. :( Even if I have people to talk to, shows to watch, things to do, I always have that nagging sad feeling. I feel lonely even though I'm not. And I feel really scared about the future and only when you're around do I feel assured and as if everything's going to be all right and I don't need to worry so much about my future. :( I don't even have a backup plan... which is damn scary.

I hope the dreams go away they really do haunt me and make me wake up at 6 am every morning.