Doomsday

Knocking on my door. Quietly awaiting me at the end of this week.

I don't have any idea what i would want to do in the future. But all I want is good grades. And good grades to me would be at least 3 H2 As. But somehow, this time, there seems to be no point hoping. I know I always expect too little. But it's not a matter of an E or D anymore. It's a matter of an A or B which makes it so so much harder. And which really drags down my expectations. I think those 3A are really outta my reach. Even though I got CCCD for Prelims which is in the top 50% of the cohort, there is no guarantee i would get at least 3 A. For me the papers were really horrendous. At least30 marks gone for each subject, I must say. And although i did exceed my expectations of straight Es for Prelims, no guarantee that it would carry onwards to A's. After all, I have always fallen short for major exams. PSLE i was expected to get 260 plus, I got 251. +2. O levels I was expected to get 6 -4 points. I got 7. And A levels? I think if I even get 2 As i should count myself really lucky. My H2 grades have always been mediocre. I only started chionging for Prelims and managed to drag up my grades, only barely. Who's to say percentages of my standings in different subjectswill maintain till A Levels? It was difficult. Horrendously hard.  I cried after nearly every paper. I left so many blanks. For Math. Chemistry. Econs. Bio. Every paper. Gp confirm no hope so I'm hoping my compre managed to stabilize it to a B.

So.. I dont think anyone should be surprised if I only get 2 As. I don't think I should be either. Really dreading the day. I have no confidence at all. I still remember marking my papers frantically and my level of leniency was seriously unbelievable especially for Math. If everyone else didn't knowingly lose at least 30 marks for each paper, an A is truly a far cry for me for any subject.

Now, BBBB seems completely feasible on my result slip. Or ABBB. Maybe I should lower my expectations. Maybe I should just hope for at least 2 A 2 B. That doesnt sound too bad, does it?

This waiting and apprehension is eating me up inside out. I wish I could shock myself like how I did for Prelims, scoring much higher than expected. The problem is, my expectations were straight Es. Now my expectations, deep down, are straight H2 As. But. I know. Deep down inside I also know the probability of this is probably 1% and less. So 3 H2 As would suffice. And no Cs. Please..

I don't know what I'm going to do, if I really get 2 A 2 B. It would mean within the short span of time given between Prelims and A's, half the cohort of VJC had surpassed me, leaving me in the lurch.

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