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I have been awake for nearly two hours now. Wondering, thinking, regretting. I wish i hadnt done everything i did last friday. I wish i had gone home straight and kept my phone safe.

I feel utterly horrible. It's cold and dank in my room. I have been mindlessly researching on when the i5 would come out but i know i wont get a new phone for more than a year.

I want to cut my monthly allowance by half for 5 months and ask my father to use that to fund me for a new iphone. Just to ease the pressing ache in my heart. But i know he wouldnt. Which parent would?

I have been clutching my house phone for an hour now. I press the green button and detachedly punch in the most familiar string of numbers. but i leave out the final number and jab the red button. Forcing myself to cancel the call. I've been too much of a hindrance.. and the person with that phone number has already accommodated me and given me so much the past few days.

I feel like i have been suspended in a nightmare. I float through the days with the biting pain and regret that haunts me for hours. It disappears when im with that person but once im alone, it swings back towards me like metal to magnets.

I plaster false smiles on my face, act nonchalant, suppress the tears that threaten to seep from my eyes. After all, its just a phone. I am being irrational. I already have a new phone. Why should i still complain, still yearn that nothing happened, still wish that my family was filthy rich and could replace me with another? I am so selfish. I wish i were mature and strong enough to forget the incident, let go and move on. But stupidly i am still hanging on. I act like im more of angry than upset to the world. I act like im totallly fine. But its so painful to pretend.

I can't study or concentrate on anything. This has kept me up for two hours. Is there anyway i can buy another iphone? I wish i were working..

I must sound like an idiot.. it is so easy to say its okay. But i guess noone will really understand.. unless they experience an encounter with a thief.. and have an iphone which belonged to them for less than two months stolen in ten seconds..

I keep wishing im dreaming, but no matter how nightmarish this feels, its the closest to a nightmare my reality has ever gotten.

Get over it. Let it go. It is just a damn phone. Why is it so difficult. Be sensible. Stop thinking about it. Be strong..

Im going to avoid tampines 1 as much as i can because that is where the nightmares ensued.

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