I am lost for words.

I need to get something out, so many emotions churning and boiling and frothing and crashing inside, but everything's cramming up-



I have never swallowed back so many tears in my life.

I have never seen anyone so devastatingly, horribly disappointed before.

I have never felt so disappointed with myself before.


Today was a first for everything.

Last 2 weeks; (and all we can do now is
try
but that's not enough;

far off the mark, in fact.)

Voice
an instrument we control,
with our hearts, our minds,
and our feelings.
it wavers, it quivers when we're scared,
it chokes, it stumbles when we cry,
it crumbles into ruins
when we try too hard

or when
we don't try enough
(?)


I wish there was something such as an Effort Detector. Something that would sweep across the choir and detect those who don't give a damn.

They're hiding,

but let's see how long they can.

I feel at a loss,
and I feel as if
my heart is being strangled
when I think about how
slim the chances are
that we can hold on to her

and whether she would continue hanging on to us;

this time,
she was for real.


2 more weeks;
but we're not going to give up, not ever.

And I agree.
It's okay,
It's okay to cry.

I need you, becauseI forget everythingwith you.I miss you so badly now.If only you could be here so I could tease you, laugh and talk about everything, hug you& I'd try to cling on to you forever.