PREPARE YOURSELF FOR ANGSTYNESS.

Okay. Once I came home, I jumped on the com with the most crazy urge to blog.

Because today, lots of memories came flooding back, and they're not good ones.

So I'm really sorry if I went around looking red-nosed, teary-eyed, black-faced, un-ethu, etc etc.

Especially before recess.

You wanna know why?

Okay, storytelling time.

It started off all happy until the word "group" was mentioned. Oh yeahh, GROUP! Such an intimidating, daunting word. Group. Group. Group. Ohkayy, yes. During Art, you see.

So we glanced at Sock etc etc, but they obviously wanted to stick with Michelle and their good friends, so let them go together. We spare a thought for other people.

Oh, but, we had a group already, but some of them flew off to Mel-Raye's group. Because they had already done a lot and were really stable. So we were left with 4. Lovin, Hazel, Hiu and I.

The minimum 6, the maximum 10.

So there was a problem. And apparently we all had 'black faces', so they wanted to push some people from THEIR group to our group.

And when I say push, it's forcing. Literally.

It felt like we were some retarded rejects and they were DRAWING LOTS to see which unlucky person went into our group. When the unlucky person (zhi yi) got in, she jumped over and said, "yay debbie i'm in your group!"

And then she continued, "I wanna be with oli... my cousin.. I wanna go their group leh..."

That hurt me. That simple remark hurt me. Okay. You see. I didn't want to make people unhappy. I guess she was trying to be jokey and all, because DRI DRI nice nice! but... what's the point if people are forcefully pushed with us, the Reject Group, and they're unhappy with it?

Seriously, it made me feel worse to see reluctant faces.

So I just exploded. Sorry Dri..

So anyways, to cut a long winded story SHORT SHORT SHORT, michelle lim arranged for Dri and Gloria and Sock to go with Jiahui they all, which makes 8 people, and Yan Yee and Yong Xin to go with her group.

Perfecto. Flawless. Brilliant. They were all happy!

Oh yeah, and how about the 3 of us? Hazel? Hiu? Unknown woman aka me?

Because Lovin joined Mel's group too! So brilliant!

And so. We were not going to force our ways into any other groups. We're not that thick-skinned. So, we decided to cook up a brilliant plan!

I think Ms Jennifer had been watching us for kinda long. So we went up to her, and told her we'll be a group ourselves.

Just the three of us.

She said she'd make an exception. She said that we were quieto people, so she knew why it turned out we were like 'this'. AKA rejects.

So, she suddenly went to lecture the class about 'working together'.

Apparently, Sock Yie said that "we complained to the teacher".

Okay. I can just tell you, NONONONONONO we did not FREAKING complain to the teacher we're not so infantile i swear that we did not do such a freaking immature thing Ms Jennifer suddenly spouted all that philosophical things by herself we honestly did not play a single part in her talk we did not we did not we fucking did NOT

Sounds unbelievable, but honestly, we did not. I don't know why she suddenly talked like that.

And what I said about bad memories? Yes, they all came flooding back from primary school.

I thought secondary school would be much better. I thought I'd be more welcomed. I thought I'd never get left out, or feel the rejection, experience it again.

That was just fat, wishful thinking. Today I really found out, genuinely found out that I'll never be accepted. Everyone has their own cliques, but my clique is sort of a threesome, ever since they stopped waiting for us. They started leaving us.

Leaving us behind.

So maybe secondary school isn't so flawless, so brilliant.

So my flu became really bad. As in, really bad. Until my eyes teared like hell.

hahaha.

I passed it on to Hazel.

So wasn't that a lovely story!

The memories came back like crashing waves, slitting my wounds open and revealing the raw flesh, the raw pain of primary school.

And you know what?

Nobody noticed, nobody gave a damn.

And I turned back hyper again, after recess, because I decided to tell myself, just don't give a damn about what others think, just live on. Just let them have their own way, just don't interfere. Life would be better. Let them control. Let life take its own turns. Never try to participate.

They still stick with us, but now, I don't really have a clique, while our class is divided into really distinct ones. I got... left out? Yeah. I wrote it out in front of myself. I admit. I suck.

So I jump around squealing happily and going mad and waving at everyone and saying hi and etc, but when it comes to groupwork I look towards Hazel and chaos starts to reign because everyone divides up into their perfect little cliques. They turn to us as a last resort. Okay, but we're all happy now except for the group thing and I still love them! Okay?? (:

I don't want to feel like an extra. Like the scriptwriting thing for choir. Abii wanted me to go in, but I didn't want to. I'm really sorry, but I'm like seriously extra if I go in.

I feel like an extra in school already. The Extra Guy.

I wish I had a class who were all good friends. Who could cooperate with everyone, anyone, who would be UNITED.

I have never had a class that was truly like that.

I don't think I ever will.




P.S: I was never angry at anyone.. just was really moody today... I'm not pointing fingers at anyone either.. sorry... i still love one hope! And I still love them. (:


and all i wanted was somebody who cared;