I'm retarded, stupid, idiotic, and just plain, plain moronic. Only one person knows what I'm talking about.

I am so freaking stupid. I'm so freaking stupid it's making me so angry and so mad at myself. It was all just a facade, fake crap, masquerades, lies that were all so cleverly masked I simply fell for it. Fell into a deep, deep hole and there I am, still drowning, not knowing how to forget, not knowing how to get out.

Why can't my brain auto-delete any part of my memory I want to forget? But sadly, I can't. It's practically burnt there, all the stuff that happened, and I just can't forget. I just can't. I was so misled. And I'm so freaking stupid to have fallen for everything.

Yes, misled, and I fell into that deep, dark hole instead. I'm craving to get out, but I need to forget first. The biggest problem is, I just can't forget. It's sucking me in, that hole, and it makes me cry myself to sleep every night. I don't want to get sucked in. I want to get back out, when I was that carefree girl, free of problems. That was at the end of P4. In P5, I was just so damn busted.

Now I think so hard every night, it makes me cry. What the hell is happening to me? Why is this happening to me? How the hell can this happen? I want to climb out of the hole. I want everything to be all right again. I never knew any of those people who've affected me. I want to erase them from my memory.

I don't want to know them. They pushed me in. They sucked me in. I want to get out. I just want to get out and scream and scream and scream. I never wanted this to happen. Why must this happen only a few days after my 13th birthday?

So, apparently, 13 is an unlucky number. When I discover everything is false, stupid, and full of lies. Just crap that I had to fall for. Just plain crap.

Josie is the only one who understands my language, probably. I hate being 13. This freaking sucks.

I just want to be happy again.