slipping away

We didn't part on good terms yesterday, and I've felt terrible since then.

I wish I could see you again as soon as possible, make up, and then go home and study to my heart's content, because this feeling is so horrible it screws up with my mind and makes me feel so desperate and needy and I can't even focus on anything important.

It's only freaking 31 days to GP and I still am not in the league for an A.

I would die if I don't get an A.

But you, you overwhelm everything and everything else becomes so unimportant. I wish to see you so badly and make everything all right again and settle the horrid chaos in my heart but I don't want to be the one initiating. I always am. It makes me feel like the stupid, dependent, needy one, as if you don't need me at all.

I'm going to school on Monday, I wonder if you got the hint that I wanted to meet you then. I detest feeling so insecure and so screwed up and so unnecessary, especially to you

maybe we could meet up after you and I have settled everything and I could find you for a just a bit and maybe go home for dinner, because I don't think we'd have anymore time for each other after this week,

how I wish I didn't need to study and tackle these exams that keep drawing nearer and nearer and have their mouths agape to swallow me whole,