Exploitation

It must be a huge source of entertainment, watching me get worked up and seeing the paranoia creep into my face and my words, freezing my fingers and making me feel like I'm cramping up in every part of my body and that my throat is tightening so rapidly and painfully that I feel like my head is going to get ripped off.

You work me like a puppet, pulling the strings, is it very funny to watch me curl up in fear, watching insecurity wrap its grabbing, scrabbling, clasping, suffocating fingers around my heart?

I feel so immensely stupid, for succumbing to such jokes. To believe so easily because I am so scared that there are things that are true. To feel so afraid and lost and please get that clenching pain out of my stomach

You exploit my feelings and you know it and you know I am really vulnerable now so don't play with me, I don't want to be a puppet anymore, I'm tired and I'm scared and I'm stressed.

I want to say that word. The word that is formed by pressing my teeth against my bottom lip, blowing the air, opening my mouth to an 'ah' sound, end with a sharp, final, full snap. It's an angry word. An uncouth, dirty word. I want to say it to you for being able to twist my life so easily. It's just you. It's only you. Why you? What's wrong with me? Why am I so easily affected?

Sometimes I really hate you. I really hate how easily crushed I am. It sucks to feel like this. I know you never felt like that before. You're too self-assured, too trustful. Which is good, I guess. To some extent. I am the total opposite.

It hurts. Please don't joke with me anymore; I don't want to be played with. My feelings are more raw than you think