Why
Why are people so competitive?
Why is it so difficult to not compare?
Outwardly, noone would want to be labeled as competitive. We live in denial, pretending we are completely wonderful and do not bother about other people's grades.
But the truth is, all of us are competitive. Even I am. But it dependent on the extent. To what extent do we compete?
A small extent is fine, is harmless. It's even healthy especially when kept to oneself and used as a spurring force of motivation. But when it crawls into the crevices of our emotions and words, to the extent that we nitpick the worries of a friend who fears failing her own expectations, and get ourselves affected by it, then it becomes extremely unhealthy. Why is it that thoughts have to be subdued because of other people's nitpicking and comparing?
"She always says she will fail then in the end she will end up doing better than us."
Is this healthy competition, or is this bitching behind that person's back? Unhealthy comparison and focus on unnecessary things? Why bother about the worries of someone else, and for all we know, that person probably did not meet her own expectations.
Why is there a need to bother about what other people say before receiving results? People who are stressed, who worry, who have parents breathing down their necks and will die without those straight a's and arent performing to top standards and have millions of reasons to worry inevitably feel the pressure more than anyone else. And the best thing is, the resultant grades received that are supposedly higher aren't very high anyway. Why is there a need to be irritated by people worrying, be unnerved by others saying they will do badly and end up doing just slightly better?
Does comparison do anyone any good?
Comparison breeds even more between people who are often around each other. Even though there are other people who we are not close to also lament about not doing well, we don't really care. It's the people around us who get our nerves with their claims of failing and in the end, passing with mediocre results. But still, a pass. So they were lying! We have been cheated. I am angry.
But the truth is, the reason we're angry is not because we've been "cheated". If we had scored an A and that complaining person a D, we wouldn't feel angry in the least. We would be perfectly fine, rejoicing over our own results. But if we lose to that person, we'll feel indignance. Anger. Frustration. Irritation.
And this is competition.
And it becomes unhealthy when you express it in words. When we discuss with others about the insensitivity of that person, how she always lies about failing.
But there has never been the effort to reflect on our own actions. Our own actions of feeling angry or frustrated. We always feel we have the right to be angry at that person. That yes my god that person is SO FREAKING INSENSITIVE. How could she say such things?
But we have never thought that the person may really have believed that she would do badly. And how can we blame that person for worrying so much, if she really believed she would fare horribly? Whatever grades she receives in the end isn't under her control anyway, and isn't under ours. So.. why is it always she who is in the wrong? Have we ever thought that we are in the wrong too, for wasting our emotions on bothering about what she says and getting ourselves upset over nothing?
What good does it do to us? Her emotions and her thoughts are hers. The grades she gets are hers. Shouldn't we worry about the grades WE get, and not get ourselves upset over someone else's?
And the bottom line. If we had done better would we feel this way? No. And the truth is that
Everyone competes. And it turns us all into hypocrites and bitches.
The world of grades is a frightening place. I don't want to be like that. I have learnt too many a time, that even the closest friends compete unhealthily. Now, worries can only be spoken to people who fare better in results.
Luckily there are no more results to come. I'm not going to be openly competitive like many people are. Silent competition is the most harmless and healthy.
Why is it so difficult to not compare?
Outwardly, noone would want to be labeled as competitive. We live in denial, pretending we are completely wonderful and do not bother about other people's grades.
But the truth is, all of us are competitive. Even I am. But it dependent on the extent. To what extent do we compete?
A small extent is fine, is harmless. It's even healthy especially when kept to oneself and used as a spurring force of motivation. But when it crawls into the crevices of our emotions and words, to the extent that we nitpick the worries of a friend who fears failing her own expectations, and get ourselves affected by it, then it becomes extremely unhealthy. Why is it that thoughts have to be subdued because of other people's nitpicking and comparing?
"She always says she will fail then in the end she will end up doing better than us."
Is this healthy competition, or is this bitching behind that person's back? Unhealthy comparison and focus on unnecessary things? Why bother about the worries of someone else, and for all we know, that person probably did not meet her own expectations.
Why is there a need to bother about what other people say before receiving results? People who are stressed, who worry, who have parents breathing down their necks and will die without those straight a's and arent performing to top standards and have millions of reasons to worry inevitably feel the pressure more than anyone else. And the best thing is, the resultant grades received that are supposedly higher aren't very high anyway. Why is there a need to be irritated by people worrying, be unnerved by others saying they will do badly and end up doing just slightly better?
Does comparison do anyone any good?
Comparison breeds even more between people who are often around each other. Even though there are other people who we are not close to also lament about not doing well, we don't really care. It's the people around us who get our nerves with their claims of failing and in the end, passing with mediocre results. But still, a pass. So they were lying! We have been cheated. I am angry.
But the truth is, the reason we're angry is not because we've been "cheated". If we had scored an A and that complaining person a D, we wouldn't feel angry in the least. We would be perfectly fine, rejoicing over our own results. But if we lose to that person, we'll feel indignance. Anger. Frustration. Irritation.
And this is competition.
And it becomes unhealthy when you express it in words. When we discuss with others about the insensitivity of that person, how she always lies about failing.
But there has never been the effort to reflect on our own actions. Our own actions of feeling angry or frustrated. We always feel we have the right to be angry at that person. That yes my god that person is SO FREAKING INSENSITIVE. How could she say such things?
But we have never thought that the person may really have believed that she would do badly. And how can we blame that person for worrying so much, if she really believed she would fare horribly? Whatever grades she receives in the end isn't under her control anyway, and isn't under ours. So.. why is it always she who is in the wrong? Have we ever thought that we are in the wrong too, for wasting our emotions on bothering about what she says and getting ourselves upset over nothing?
What good does it do to us? Her emotions and her thoughts are hers. The grades she gets are hers. Shouldn't we worry about the grades WE get, and not get ourselves upset over someone else's?
And the bottom line. If we had done better would we feel this way? No. And the truth is that
Everyone competes. And it turns us all into hypocrites and bitches.
The world of grades is a frightening place. I don't want to be like that. I have learnt too many a time, that even the closest friends compete unhealthily. Now, worries can only be spoken to people who fare better in results.
Luckily there are no more results to come. I'm not going to be openly competitive like many people are. Silent competition is the most harmless and healthy.
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posted by Debbie at
3:05 PM
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