I listed my blog on Facebook because I am dedicating this post to certain people who've never heard of my blog before, or don't bother to visit it, in hope that one day, out of boredom, they'll hop to my Fb profile and notice the website.

HAHAHAHHAHAHA But, the chances are like 1 to 1003129237302723901732

Anyway, this post will be written for some people to whom I really feel the need to say certain things to, because I've discovered some things about them and realised some things about myself.

---

To the person who lost my trust:

Firstly, I don't even know what I have done to offend you in any way. Stupidly, over the past 2 years, I've treated you as a really good friend, and told you so many secrets.

I was right to be wary once you entered JC, because I watched you change.

I told people that you were my good friend when they asked. But I guess, what I thought wasn't what you thought.

I think it's pretty explicit that I'm talking to you (Cause I'm really sure you're not an idiot), so hear me out.

You think you can say things about me behind my back, and never think that I would find out. But, I dare to say that I have more connections than you, so too bad for you that I found out about your backstabbing, even though I wasn't meant to. And I never knew you could be capable of saying such things about me, when just recently you were so 'friendly' and 'nice' and even asked to hang out again.

I really wonder how you can actually bear to do that. I would feel so terrible bitching about a 'supposed good friend' that I wouldn't even be able to bring myself to ACT nice and you even have the cheek to ask me to go out again.

I'm not going to stoop to your level, and bitch about you behind your back. I'll just state the facts here and thrash it out.

You are probably unclear about what I've found out, but through several connections (yes I probably do have a wider network than you), I've discovered that you've been telling a few people untruths about me. Or rather, your opinions of me that you have never voiced out in my face the past 2 years we were supposedly good friends.

Truthfully, I am hurt. But the main emotions that stem from the hurt is anger and disappointment. I feel so stupid trusting you, and thinking that you really wanted to maintain this friendship. Now that you've found other friends only this year whom you think you can completely trust more than you did me, you have no qualms at all about telling people degrading things about me which you can't even substantiate and came out from nowhere.

When the hell did I offend you, or insult you, or bitch about you? What have I done to you, to make you say such things to people who don't even know me?

I thought you understood me, because I regarded you as a close friend. I guess you didn't.

I have no doubt that you completely don't understand the meaning of friends.

I don't need to maintain relationships with people like you. If you want to deny that you've bitched about me to other people, and you feel totally clueless about this post, or don't even know that I'm addressing it to you, then you honestly have no conscience at all.

When you do grow a conscience, it'll probably eat you up inside out.

One day you are going to lose all your friends if you keep this facade up. This whole cycle of faking niceties, pretending you're some Mother Teresa trying to accommodate poor, supposedly friend-less people and associating yourself with strange and "FAKE" ( AND aa? pot calling the kettle black right, just look at how you behave in school. you were never like that last time. Maybe you never had a reason to because of the lack of the opposite gender)

people like me

Sadly, I think I'm a thousand times more genuine than you are.

No scratch that. Times INFINITY. I would NEVER, EVER, EVER backstab a friend, let alone a GOOD friend, like you have. Or I guess I don't fall in the category of good and you allow yourself to freely bitch about 'friends'.

It's quite scary, how you manage to maintain your mask of cheeriness, happiness, even happily acknowledging me when we cross paths, without feeling any sense of guilt or remorse. You are amazing. I really did want to remain friends with you. You were once so fun and seemingly so genuine.

I guess it was all an act to me too.

I doubt you will want to confront me about this because, firstly, you probably are fooling yourself into thinking that you have never said bad things about me to other people who DON'T KNOW ME WELL or DON'T EVEN KNOW ME, and secondly, you hate confrontations and rather let the matter breed rather than solving it yourself.

I can't approach you to solve this because, firstly, I'm not supposed to know, secondly, I will NEVER tell you how I found out and the people involved are not to blame at all, they were just trying to help me and save me from getting hurt and backstabbed, and THIRDLY, I have very little inclination to keep such a two-faced person in my life.

There have only been 2 good friends in my life who've done this kind of shit to me. The choir politics in Sec3, and now you.

At least the choir politics was a good enough reason for that person to be angry and upset with me. But YOU? You have NO GOOD REASON to speak untruths and horrible opinions about me to people who DON'T EVEN KNOW ME FOR WHO I AM.

No good friend, who knows me truly, would EVER, EVER say such things about me to other people. In fact, my good friends would definitely defend me and support me if other people talk crap about me.

However, you have a rare talent for heartlessly tearing your so-called good friends down in front of people who don't even know them.

If you still acknowledge me in school after this, I guess I'll crack a smile, say hi for the sake of it. After all, if you fake to me, I'll have to fake back to you, right?

I'm not bitching about you, I'm just stating what I feel and what I am very sure you have done. I'm not even explicitly rebutting what you've said exactly although I'm highly tempted to. Saving your face.

If you want to explain yourself, feel free any time.

I'm helping you, by warning you, if you continue like this, you're going to lose every true friend you ever had, by bitching about them once you move on to new friends who you perceive as cooler, better, and more fun than your old ones.

Because, people like me, will not bother keeping such people in my life. I don't want to keep a friend who ACTS and FAKES in my face and fools me into thinking she's still the same and regards me as a close friend, but behind my back, tell people whom she was never as close to as she was to me that I'm ____, _____, _____, _____ _____ __ _____ ________\

I don't need a friend like that. I have so many other close friends whom I can utterly trust and depend on. Those are the friends who I know will stick by me forever, and I will definitely always be there for them.

I wonder if you have any friends who you are completely sure will stick by you forever? I know I told you that I would always be there for you too, but I guess I'll have to take it back.

Once again, I'm typing this because I feel hurt, stupid, fooled, and really, really disappointed in you. I never imagined anyone who I could call my good friend would have the heart to do such things. I really under-estimated you. You are the strange and scary one. You can be so nice on the outside but

the mean, bitchy girl on the inside, even to your so-called

friends.

---

To the people whose trust I lost:

To one of you: I guess I should have just told you straight that I wasn't willing to be a friend to someone like you. I thought you were way too straightforward and bastard, saying such mean things about people who I really cared about, when I wasn't really close to you in the first place. But thinking about it, on my longgg bus ride home today, (when my phone was outta batt and I had nothing else to do) I felt quite horrible.

I was mean. You felt lonely and you wanted friends, so you approached me. In the end, I wasn't supportive at all and I wasn't willing to help you just because you said such things about my close friends. Yes, I was angry that you dared to think that way of my close friends. But maybe that's just your character. Your personality. I should have tried to accept it, and helped you change, instead of fretting over how I could get you to stop talking so much to me because I really didn't want to hear the horrible opinions you have of the people I care deeply about. And because I really didn't want to be close to someone who had the capability to harbour such opinions and spread them around ruthlessly.

I did ignore your messages blatantly. Usually that sends the message across, but you didn't seem to get it. You just texted again and again. I didn't want to say "I don't really like your character and I don't want to be your friend so stop bugging me" to your face because I thought that would hurt you. But letting you continue to believe that I wanted to be your friend and realising that in fact, I never wanted to be close to you at all, probably hurt and angered you much more than me saying that single sentence to your face.

I'm sorry. I just really dislike people who comment on other people's appearances, make snide remarks, and tell it to anyone they're not really close to.

Maybe you trusted me. But secretly I felt disgusted and hurt that you could do such things. Talk about my close friends without thinking that I'd be affected.

I'm sorry, if you ever talk to me again, I will try to be a genuine friend. I am quite sure we won't be close, unless you change your character, because I really cannot put up with people who bitch about people who are close to me and whom I care about... But if you entrust anything to me, I promise I'll help you etc. I want to make it up to you.

Although to tell the truth I don't think you will ever approach me again =x

But just know that I'm really sorry and I will never do it to you again. In a way I have been two-facing you too, just without me realising. But it did seem that way to you. And I'm really really sorry.

I don't want to become a bitch or a hypocrite or a backstabber. I have been one in some ways without myself realising. Probably because I didn't regard you as a friend. But maybe you regarded me as one...

I know you'll never read this or know about it. But I really hope everything will go well for you from now on, and I won't act nice to you or anything anymore. I don't want to act anymore. And I promise I won't, anymore.

To the other: I'm sorry I didn't tell you what I truly thought of you earlier on. I know you're changing for the better and I hope you keep it up because you're doing a good job. I'm sorry I still smiled at you etc when you acknowledged me when inside I didn't really like you. That's two-facing, I guess. Although I did think I have reasons not to like you as a friend. But I guess you're changing, and I want to change too.

I'll try to be a genuine friend and help you too. And I'm really sorry for two-facing you.

---

Wow, tired.

Wonder how long I've typed for.

Choir was grueling today and I've the barbecue AND the choir video to fret about RAGHHHARHARHJH@%&!%&

Time to stop blogging...