How long am I going to take to let you go?

I'm still holding on to some tiny fragment of distant memory even though everything happening to me right now should have my full attention,

I know whatever's happening to me now is meant to be, good for me, perfect for me,

but, 0.1% of my heart still lies somewhere else.
lies in the dead memories that we can never bring to life again

and I can't bear to stop trying to check up on you.
I tell myself I'm doing it for convenience, since I'm online, I'll check;
but I don't think it's like that.

If I can't forget by the end of this year, if I don't stop wanting to find out more, if I still can't bear to throw my crappy letters, delete the pathetic remains of what reminds me of you,

then I'll just stop everything

till I'm okay to start again.


Huang Zining,
I still cry when I think of you, sometimes.
Do I miss you,
or miss the you in the past?



The tears are already a sign of confusion,

still
confusion.