I am probably famous in choir for having freaking terrible stagefright.

You know the kind where you feel like you're floating and you don't know what's happening and your hands grow all clammy and weird and all the blood rushes out from your face and you feel woozy from all the gazes locked on you? then after that you feel like you just wanna cry and hide in a corner away from all those faces staring at you?

ERM OKAY people who don't have as terrible stage fright as I do won't know what the hell I'm crapping about =P

ANYWAY yesterday Miss Lim wanted to choose 2 Sec 2 soloists for NDP solo singing or something like that. And i mean the OFFICIAL NDP solo singing.

And because of my stage fright, the only thing I said when it was my turn was,

"I can't."

Miss Lim urged me on and the choir cheered for me to jiayou but I just had more stage fright and when I tried to sing the "Ahhhhhh" thing my voice came out racked with wavery scared stage-fright ish sounds and once i opened my mouth to say one "ah" i closed it immediately, knowing that in stage-fright-state i couldn't sing for shieet.

Felt so bad ):

Then I murmured in a very croaky stage-fright-wrecked voice, "I can't..."

Boo. Then Miss Lim said "Okay, never mind, sit down," and I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO SING A SINGLE THING cause she knew I really couldn't take it already. HAHAHAHA. SO IN THE END THE PRO FATNESSES, Maria, Jiayi, Joey and dearfatfatsJing, got in.

They sang so nicely and freakily loud lah. While I sat there rocking my knees and sucking my thumb and whimpering. Okay not literally but whatever.

(: The bottom line is: I suck at singing! Cannot sing at all!
My confidence level = 0
Miss Lim is gonna kick me outta SYF someday.

Anyone knows confidence and self-esteem boosting classes?

I have discovered I managed to convince myself I can't sing at all. So in front of choir where everyone can sing I feel really stupid and horrible cuz I can't sing.

OH and today during recess pract i was so humiliated by my stagefright yesterday I sang really softly and disgustingly so noone would really hear me and because I can't sing anyways.

One day I'm gonna get kicked outta choir. Seriously. (:

Oh and Jap Test today was weirrrd. xD

hahahahaha. snort.

okay and i flunked my hist

and everything. hAAAAAAAAhhaaaaaaaaa okay so. the bottom line is:

HOW ON EARTH DID DEBBIE GET INTO CHOIR ANYWAY.