To be alone

Your replies are slow and detached, even when you know I am hurt and upset. Evidently whatever you are doing is more important than my feelings. Bros over ho's holds true here eh.

I wish I could come first. Like how you are definitely first. I hate feeling so vulnerable and crushed and even though I told you I don't want to see you anymore, because if you did meet me, it would be because you are obliged to do so, and not because you truly want to see me, deep down inside I wish and hope you would come down to surprise me, to apologize, and make things right and seal up the wound you just gouged. Deep down inside, I wish you would sincerely and truly wish to meet me, not because you are obliged, but because you really want to.

Fat hope, I guess. I always come second at times like these. Even when I agreed to travel so you don't need to move an inch (so freaking far like I always do), without any qualms, you still decide to toy with my feelings, imply that you would meet me, and in the end, drop the bomb that you can't. And it is not that you can't. Your excuse is that you would be abandoning your friends, but they already have each other, while I had been alone, waiting for an hour for your reply for affirmative. And in the meantime, you beat around the bush; must have been a fun game

So aren't I the one abandoned instead?

I try to harden myself but I am always drawn back to you. I always forget that I wanna harden myself, because you always make me feel like I can open up again, regardless of how many times you broke my heart, regardless of the millions of tears i've shed because of you.

I am so damn stupid. I rather be alone then go through the same thing again and again and again. But why the hell can't I bring myself to?

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